A struggle…

A while ago I wrote this, that I didn’t like the fight with “J” to have him sleep in his own bed. As much as I really want to have my bed back, I really hated hearing my son throw himself at the door with crying sobs.

At a playdate with two other mommies I felt judged. When I mentioned that “J” has been sleeping in our bed for a few months now- I was handed a book about getting to have your kids put themselves to sleep. While I appreciate the gesture, I also felt judged that my son has been sleeping with us.

I just want to clarify- “J” was sleeping in his own bassinette from about a month on with exception to travel and night feedings. “J” then moved into his crib and own room at 10 months. Then the multiple changes  (“E” being born, new house, new toddler bed, 6 teeth all at once) occurred when “J” was about 18 months and he regressed to sleeping in our bed. “J” would go to sleep in his own bed and then wake up in the middle of the night. He would refuse to fall back asleep by himself or even if we were next to him. He would ONLY fall asleep if he was in our arms.

The book I was handed in the playdate stated that babies (and even more so toddlers) have to be guided to sleep by themselves and for the parents to remember that they are the parents and therefore have the authority. Great- if you don’t have a kid who throws himself so hard you fear he might hurt himself.

I found this article today. It is a network of parents that address that formerly good sleepers reach about 2 years old and start having sleep problems. I felt so relieved that it isn’t just “J”. Other moms and dads are having this struggle with getting their toddler to be able to self soothe and sleep through the night.

This has been a true struggle between my head and my heart. My head says that “J” should be in his own bed, but my heart doesn’t know if she can bear the crying.

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5 thoughts on “A struggle…

  1. The other thing is there are four different ways to see the world, and most parenting books and articles are written by those who push independence and emotional detachment. They tend to not mention the negative side-effects in the long term of parenting this way. Punishing a child for wanting to be with you can’t be positive in my book. But that’s me.

    • I agree. I stay at home with my kids because I know its what is best for them. I have heard before that those that know that their parents are always there for them tend to actually have more indepence in the long term (because they know if they ever fall they have a loving net). I don’t have any problems with the emotional attachments and want to cuddle/snuggle…I guess I just worry that if he can’t learn how to fall asleep on his own that he will somehow have insomnia problems in the future. Maybe I worry too much (or maybe that is just part of being a parent and wanting to prepare your kids the best you can for their future).
      Thanks again for the comments

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