Had to share

This is snagged from a WhatToExpect.com message board, that I thought was too funny not to share. Since I am in the midst of pregnancy, this may be excused as hormonal or just reality that some people forget:

Dear Non-Pregnant People,

I hope you find these guideline helpful in your interaction with all pregnant women including me. Failing to follow them may result in serious physical harm or tongue lashing. If you are thinking, surely she doesn’t mean me- then you should probably read this twice.

1.The appropriate response to a couple telling you that they are having a baby is “Congratulations” with enthusiasm. Any other response makes you an ass including asking if it was planned or an opps

2. Through the wonders of science, we now know that babies are made ONLY by the mother and the father. Unless you have a baby in your uterus or you are the man who helped put it there, you may NEVER use the phrase “my baby”.

3. On the same note, unless you made the baby as defined in 2, the pregnancy, birth, and raising of the child are not about you. You do not have input. No one wants to hear your opinion unless they ask for it. Same thing goes for the name of the baby.

4. The body of a pregnant woman should be treated the same as any other body. You would not randomly touch someone else’s stomach if they were not pregnant, not would you inquire into the condition of their uterus, cervix, or how they plan to use their breasts. Pregnancy does not remove all traces of privacy for a woman.

5. Likewise, no woman wants to hear comments on her weight- ever. A pregnant woman does not find it flattering that you think she is about to pop, must be having twins, looks swollen, or gained weight in her face. Telling her she looks small only implies to her that you think she is starving her baby. Making such comments invite her to critique your physical appearance and you may not act offended. The only acceptable comment on appearance is “You look fabulous”.

6.There is a reason that tickets to Labor and Delivery are not yet sold on Ticketmaster. Childbirth is actually not a public event. It may sound crazy, but some women especially me don’t relish in the idea of their mother, mother-in-law, or a host of other family members seeing their bare genitals. Also, some feel like the birth of their child is a private and emotional moment to be shared by only the parents. Like everything else in life, unless you receive an invitation, you are NOT invited. This includes appointments, ultrasounds, labor, delivery, hospital stay, and first days in the parents’ home. You do not decide to move in with the new parents to “help out”. If your assistance is desired, rest assured that you will be asked.

7.IF you are asked to come help after the birth, this means you should help with cleaning, cooking, and anything else BUT holding th baby. Holding the baby will only interfere with feeding and sleep schedules. Also making the woman who is still leaking fluids for multiple locations do housework while you hold the baby is NOT helping.

8. The only people entitled to time with the baby are the parents. Whether they choose to have you at the hospital or ask you to wait three weeks to visit, appreciate that you are being given the privilege to see their child. Complaining only encourages the parents to include you less.

Sincerely, all pregnant women

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