What happened?

What happened to my mild mannered sweet boy? The one who was getting over his shyness and talking with more and more clarity. The same one who would scrunch his face up to show all his teeth for a “smile” at a camera. Also the one who had occasional tantrums that a quick time out would fix. What happened to him?
I now have a little boy who is finding the word “NO!” all too well. He also will go to his room screaming no, throw himself away from you if you try to talk calmly/rationally, and will bury himself under all his blankets to get as far away from you as he can. It can be set off by the absolutely smallest thing like asking him to pick a pair of underwear for you to put on him, sitting as he always has in the church pew, or even Husband not waking up fast enough.
J is this little boy that has changed. I don’t know if he is starting to get stronger emotions and doesn’t know how to control them. Or if having G added an extra diversion away from him, he is acting out to get attention (I doubt this one because I try my best to consciously spend individual time and attention with each, but worth noting since it has increased since G arrived). Or maybe it is simply Troublesome 3’s hitting with full force.
Whatever it is, he is pushing me to the limit of every bit of patience I have. I hate the screaming of no in my face. I hate being pushed so hard in attempts to get away. I hate the door slams. And it takes everything not to scream back. But I think the hardest thing is not knowing when J is done with the mad crying and is now crying for a comfort hug and calm talking out of emotion/situation.
Please tell me I am not the only one. Please tell me it gets better as he starts understanding his emotions. Well at least better before hormones of teen years hits.

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Did I ever mention?

I don’t know if I ever mentioned how much I hate running. Yes hate is a very strong word. I know. But in this case it is true. I hate running. So why my crazy butt decided doing a mud run sounded like fun I don’t know.
I have been doing running, some weight lifting (you know mostly for the arm flab I want to ease before it gets worse), and some abdominal work too. None of it fun. I wish I had the ability to take a fun aerobics class (three kids makes it hard enough just to find time to make it gym at all let alone picking a class!). But running just drives me nuts. It is boring. Even with tv, I feel no desire to keep going through the pain. My mind goes to aches rather than the results-which are taking for-ev-er to appear. This just proves how much I am a team sport girl. When I used to run for basketball it meant I was running to play defense or running to try and get open to attempt a shot at the basket. Volleyball running means you are running down a shanked ball in order to continue the game. Either way my mind isn’t on the pain it is on the fun of a game.
But the whole point of thus post was actually to ask those who find enjoyment in running if they have any tips to make it fun. Will it be fun when I do the mud run? Or will it only be fun looking back and saying I survived and want to do another? I need help…bad….please help.

Working out

So I have been going to the gym 2-3 times a week for just about three months now. I have been doing abdominal and arm exercises at home as well. While I can jog farther and with less huffing and puffing, the scale couldn’t care less. And I ignore the scale and pay attention just to how my jeans fit, my stretched out belly still annoyingly bulges at the waistband. One positive is the thigh area is getting loose. Then again that isn’t too positive because the thighs are loose with a bulged out tummy…not too attractive or confidence building.
I am wondering though if my abdominal muscles have reshapen to a convex shape with having pregnancies so close together. I say this because when I do sit ups crunches and try to pull in my belly like pilates and yoga tells you to do, I feel like the muscles don’t seem to tighten flat.
All of this is kind of leaving me a bit discouraged. I want some movement on the scale. I want to not have to double up on spanx just to tuck tummy bulges into my pants to fit. I want something to keep me going.
Unfortunately I am thinking it will come down to track my food more closely. I eat a relatively healthy diet but maybe something is off. Maybe I eat more than I should or maybe my metabolism is storing food as fat so I should eat more lean protein and vegetables. Either way I am lazy horrible at tracking that kind of stuff. Mostly because I hate having to enter all the ingredients in the online databases to get nutrition facts. I like the freedom of cooking and adjusting recipes to fit our tastes;and having to enter all that into a computer takes the freedom away for me.
I know I have to figure it out so I can keep the motivation up to continue to exercise after I am done with the mud run in three weeks (which Omgoodness where did time go-I thought I had more time!). Maybe I will give in and sign up for the longer mud race with Husband in October.

What the heck?!

Ok so I knew getting back to working out would be hard. I knew old ankle injuries might flare up again. I knew I would be sore. I know I am going to have to push through it all to continue on path back to pre-pregnancies or at least to a healthy un-self-conscious place.
But… My freaking hips! I woke up this morning (I started the working out for mud run yesterday) and my hips are killingly sore. My muscles sore-nope. My ankles flaring up-not at all. But my hips-tender and sore.
So now I am trying to remember back to my classes, are my hips sore because I am working out again? Is it combination of postpartum hips shifting back and beginning jogging for the first time in nearly 4 years? 
Either way, I am going to try to push through. I knew it would be tough. I want to be able to chase my kids without getting out of breath. I want to complete the mud run with Husband. I want to be happy with my weight/size. So, sore hips, you can relax and enjoy the jogging cause it isn’t going to stop.

The dog

Since this is a blog about being my kids’ mommy I usually don’t mention our dog unless she is part of the kid’s story. But I need to vent…we just celebrated J’s birthday and still had more than a half a cake left over.
Well, we did until I went to pick up stocking stuffers. Our freaking-begs-for-everything-despite-getting-dog-food-everyday dog decided to get the cake off the counter and eat it all! Yup. All of it. Only thing left was the licked clean plate and aluminum foil scraps across the kitchen floor.
To say I was mad was an understatement. After all, kids and I only ate a tiny piece due to it being eight before bedtime and Husband didn’t even get a piece! I know she is a dog. I know dogs can’t seem to resist human food. But geez! Practically a whole cake gone. She is lucky that she didn’t do it before we celebrated. Otherwise her butt would be put outside for a very long time.

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Oh this isn’t fair God

I knew I would be sleep deprived when the baby arrived, but this is so not fair. Last night I was “blessed” with my body preparing otherwise known as painful but irregular so no resulting in baby contractions for about 3 hours. When they finally stopped at midnight I was able to start to sleep. Then baby-smushed bladder woke me at 2a; followed by Pippy our dog desperately needing her own potty break at 3a. My bladder again at 4:30a. And finally J’s bladder and body clock deciding that 5:30a was an excellent time to be up for the day.
I am exhausted. I just want sleep. But that will have to wait until tonight when hopefully both boys are peacefully asleep, my bladder is empty, and my uterus isn’t busily preparing for a baby that is quite content staying in his/her fetal apartment. Sigh. God this is so not fair.


Ps- I know this is just the start of many months of not sleeping,but I at least want the baby here so I can have a cute face to look at and know it is worth being sleep deprived.

What not to say

I am very pregnant. With only 5 weeks left to due date, my belly shows it. While I, of course have gained it elsewhere, am mostly belly. Think beach ball. I have to deal with my belly being so out in front that even maternity shirts may not cover it all. I have carried pretty much all three kids this way. And compared to relatively flat-ish stomach before, this 8month belly will seem even bigger.
While I know all of this, it is still hard to put on any face other than irritated when I get the comments no pregnant woman wants to ever hear…
What not to say to any hormonal so she might bite your head off pregnant woman:
* “are you sure there aren’t twins in there?” Unless she has said that she is expecting twins, assume it is a single baby.
* “you look like your ready to pop” or “you are never going to make it”. In case you don’t remember correctly, pregnancy lasts 40weeks. That is a long time. The woman already knows her due date is approaching, you don’t need to tell her.
*“could you be any bigger?” Or “are you sure you’re feeding enough to that baby?” Either way, this could get you hit. It doesn’t matter the belly is big or small. You never say that stuff. Every woman-heck every pregnancy- is carried different. Don’t make a hormonal woman feel even more self-conscious than she already does.
* And lastly even though it doesn’t have to do with belly size, it still is something you shouldn’t ever say to pregnant woman…“Were you trying?” Or “Was this an oops?”…I had my kids close together. J and E are 16months apart. E and this little one will be about 19.5months apart. Other people like their kids farther apart in age. To each her own. So before you make this comment, realize how insensitive the label “an oops” is and if a couple was trying that was a personal decision. You have no right to judge.

So this may seem like I am being just another hormonal pregnant woman that is ranting. Well I have that right! I got the “twins” comment with every single pregnancy. I just got it again today.
So I give this as a piece of advice from a “woman in the trenches”. When you see a pregnant woman, don’t comment on anything but how good she looks. Or if she does look close to “pop”, just ask how long she has left or if she needs any help in these last few weeks/months.